So, there I was, laid off. I still got up and started the coffee at 5:30. I still sat down at my computer to start my day at 6:00. I still felt like I had to get to those emails and start those projects that I knew had to get done. But guess what? I didn't have to! It was a very strange feeling. It was a little unsettling, of course.
I still had not told my son or certain other family members about the layoff, for lots of different reasons. I didn't want to hear anything that anyone had to say - not at that point. The wound was too fresh. I just wanted to sit back and regroup and let my mind wrap itself around this new situation. I certainly didn't want my son to worry and since it was right before summer, I felt like telling him would ruin his summer. I knew I had to tell him but I struggled with it. If you know me personally, you know why. I also knew that I would not be able to go out and work full time and do the whole career thing again, not with my son's health situation. I had a lot to think about.
So after a few days of feeling like a fish out of water, I decided this was a good time to focus on my web site, get it updated and seriously think about a web design business. My mind was happily racing and I was excited to get started. I was ready and determined not to stop until the site (this site) was ready to go.
I worked on it every day, I had a goal, a purpose and a reason to get up and sit at the computer and WORK! In the back of my mind I was thinking; how I would market myself, and asked myself 'will I make money at this?' So many questions were flying around in the back of my mind.
Once the word got out that I actually had free time and suddenly I had some requests for things, for logos, for websites, advice, design work. HOORAY! That felt good.
But at some point the emotion went from that exited relief, to an excited fear. Questions continued in my head, can I do this, should I do this, will I make it, what if I don't make it?
However, those of you who know me, know that one thing I am very good at is picking myself up and getting back on track. I don't wallow - I just keep going. Because if I keep going, I'm doing something to help my cause and right now I'm muddling along, feeling that fearful excitement. A few jobs have come my way so that's good.
So at this point I was laid off for about 3 weeks and life had not changed much. And I still had not told my son.
next week part three! if you relate to any of this series, please comment!
part one was posted on July 11
series continues each Thursday
It's me, just trying to get by.